I was hoping that my book would be published by now. I had my heart set on May 1st. May Day is an ancient fertility festival, and my book being all about pregnancy and birth, it seemed like the perfect date to publish it. I became so set on that date and I can't believe how disappointed I have felt since. I have meditated on the reasons for feeling so disappointed and I have realised that it is all about feeling uncomfortable when things don't turn out the way I think they should. So then I took time to consider the effects of other events that didn't happen as I thought they should have.
I came to see that I have wasted so much energy on things that I cannot change. I had become stuck by resisting so many events that were not to my choosing and it cost me greatly. On an intellectual level, I know it's a waste of time stressing about the things we cannot change, but then when it comes to something I am really emotionally involved with, all that goes out of the window and I get stuck.
So I meditated on this some more for insight to help me move forward. I came to see that sometimes my frustration stems from knowing that I did not do my best and do what was required to achieve my desired results, and at other times it simply comes down to letting go.
I have been working on this quite a bit in the past two weeks. My book Free Birth Free Spirit was going to be much longer in length. The lady who was helping edit the book made some suggestions that involved cutting big chunks of the book. I had a real problem doing this and this caused delays. I had included chapters that were a very different tone to the rest of the book. Meditation highlighted that I had written these chapters to 'prove' the main points in my book, to give the book 'value' and in the vain hope that, if an academic read the book, they would be impressed by my critical thinking and research, lol! So I spent many evenings going round in circles and really wrestling with cuts that needed to be made. Eventually I did it, I was brutal and reduced the content of the book by around one third. If I had just got on and done what needed to be done in the first place, there is a good chance my book would have been published on May 1st.
And that my friends, is usually where my disappointment and frustration comes from when things don't go the way I think they should. It is because deep down I know that I didn't do what I needed to do for things to turn out as I hoped. You see, when things don't turn out the way I planned, and yet I know I have done everything I could and should, I don't mind much at all because it's out of my control. So to avoid immense disappointments in future, I just have to let go of my resistance and do what is needed to get things done.
Fingers crossed my book will be published soon. The process of writing it has given me much healing and insight and I am looking forward to sharing it with others.